in which it most certainly does not snow!

So this is the most wonderful time of the year. By which of course I mean the time that I become obsessed with weather.com. Right around the beginning of November, weather.com becomes my homepage, and checking it turns from casual curiosity to unhealthy addiction. As I write this, weather.com is preparing for its third round of weather predictions for me today.

Unlike nearly every other resident of the Midwest, for me, there is nothing quite like waking up to see the streets covered in a blanket of white amnesia-y snow. Just smelling the cold on the air gets me going in a manner that most people reserve for seeing their S.O. after a month or two of seperation: the fast paced heart, the fluttering hands, the breathless excitement, that warm, delightful almost-peeing-yourself-you're-so-happy feeling! That is me when the first flakes make their dutiful touchdown on the cold pavements of the city.

I am probably one of ten people in Chicago right now UNHAPPY about the unseasonable warmth that we are experiencing right now. Oh, because I'm afraid of global warming? Well, okay, touche, but also because I desperately want snow. I am on tenterhooks here, literally on tenterhooks! I can't sit down because I keep getting up to look out the windows & check for snow clouds. The weather channel is my morning. And I keep wearing my winter coat, half out of quiet misguided hope that this choice will somehow have an effect on the weather. (The other reason for wearing a winter coat is because 50 degrees and sunny does not mean soul crushing wind.)

Before anyone asks: no, I do not have to drive in the snow. No, I do not have a walkway to shovel. No, I do not have a predisposition for colds. But I will gladly a. drive you around, b. shovel your walkway, and c. make you a daily soup of your choice if it means that I will have snow N-O-W.


The only good that comes of an EL NINO CHRISTMAS is Chris Farley.*

"I am El Niño! Which is Spanish for... the... Niño!"

And even then, that might not be enough. In matters of seasonal temperatures, I have always found it wise to use one of the most famous addages from Poor Richard's Almanack as a rule of thumb: "If I can go rollerblading on Christmas Day, it's time for some goddamn snow."

In a related story, I really need new jeans. Preferably ones that don't require the employment of the tried and true rubberband-around-the-ankles trick to get them to fit in my boots.




I bet I can fit one more round of OREGON TRAIL in before quittin time! I love Friday.

*(Sometimes when I try to write Chris Farley's name, I end up writing "Christ" Farley. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, God.)