in which there is a tango with the big white porcelain bus.

today I saw a lady puke on the subway. fortunately it was on the floor, not projectile vomiting, so there is some justice in the world but I still had 2 stops to go in the bright cheerful company of a pile of yellowish vomit. everyone started reflexively rubbing their hands together and making faces. I just started worrying that it would someone roll backwards and get on my shoes. not that my shoes were so precious, I just hate vomit. and usually I'm a sympathy ralpher.


to contrast this horrible news, I will now reveal that I am making cinnamon cookies. I have big big big trouble spelling the word cinnamon. cinnamin cinnemon cinneman cinnoman. I had to google it just now to make sure I was spelling it right.


"oh my god girl it is cold at night," and I am listening to christmas music.

in which we are having a big picnic for you in the desert.

so I have a receptionist interview tomorrow at a laboratory
so what am I doing tonight? watchin hair eatin ice cream and pasta.
this is how we celebrate.

we are all one:
and I am the President of the United States of Love......

in which I need a tune up.

¿cóma está?


I am just sitting around waiting for fall to start. currently the weather is muggy beyond all belief, except in our flat, which is breezy beyond all belief. yesterday I ate an end-of-summer delicious ferrero's italian ice on the red line on my way to school; today I hung out with caroline and ditched school. not too shabby.

if there is one thing I need to improve on it is planning my time. I can't get it into my head that it takes 10 min to walk to the train, 15 min to get downtown, and at least 5 min to walk to where ever I need to go. instead I wait till the last minute and then run around shrieking. if there is another thing I need to improve on it is washing the goddamn dishes in a timely fashion instead of getting all frat boy on them and letting them sit disgustingly in the sink. (I remember times in college when I would take my dishes into the shower with me in an attempt to force myself to wash them. la-a-azy.) more improvements to come.


I am really just doing some more procrastinating. I was contacted about a receptionist job at a downtown laboratory... I think it was the same indian guy that I accidently hung up on last week. yi-ikes. but I would actually like to work in a lab, because that would mean a. quitting ole navy, b. steady income, c. I would work in a friggin laboratory. I am finishing reading Frankenstein so I am a little nuts about labs right now. oo-oo.

in the meantime, 1. my little sister is visiting tomorrow, 2. my third roommate is moving in on saturday, 3. I am obsessed with listing and numbering things.

in which you'd better look out below.

"Love never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

in which I begin the week.

what we fight about in our house:

a. does the pharoah in night at the museum look like donny osmand, y or n.
2. who the fuck ate all the saltine toffee. there was a whole plate in the fridge & it didn't eat itself.
d. is rescuing a craigslist piano from a rainy alley a good idea.

I like where I'm at.

current obsessions: writing about medusa, frankenstein, lutheran culture, not biting my fingernails, thinking about what to be for halloween.

in which I have a few original thoughts.

watching carmina burana but I have the oscar meyer weenie song stuck in my head. I lost $10 today by dropping it outside of the subway. now some lucky pigeon is feathering his nest with that shit. am now thinking of changing my name to olga; I think it would make me more/less credible in many ways. makin saltine toffee, will tell you how it turns out, maybe pass out samples, no wait I'm just going to eat it all.

in which I am not faded nor falling apart.

what u doin lol?

oh me, nothin jus sittin @ home listenin to my cat freak out in the hallway for no discernable reason.




so today I'm optimistic again.

friday is my cleaning day, buuuuut I am extremely unmotivated. I managed to extract myself from this comfortable chair & sweep the whole flat. then I found myself sitting in this comfortable chair again with my laptop in my, you guessed it, lap. it all happened so quickly, I think I may have whiplash. I am confused as to how this drop in productivity occured. I mean, I know I should be changing the litter in the catbox, but don't get out of the chair I just sit playing games on Orisinal & listening to internet radio.

in which I get sensational.

there is an overabundance of my own personal hair stuck to the sleeve of my sweatshirt right now. criminy. I am adding apparent baldness to my list of discrepencies with the world right now.


I have been very morose lately. I have draped my flat in black crepe paper and covered all the mirrors. I have taken to wearing long dresses with heavy trains. I constantly collapse across fainting couches, my skin waxen and pale. I shun the sun and prefer to sit in darkened rooms, illuminated only by a single candle. I have taught my cat to croak "Nevermore" upon command. I walk to school on a route obscure and lonely. I eat spoiled caviar and drink sweet red wine spiced by my own tears. I do not watch television; I read sensational novels and weep in quiet desperation when the female heroines succumb to sadness and disease.

but soft, what phone call through yonder despair breaks? it is the temp agencey, and joann, my sun. she tells me she is trying so hard to find me jobs because she "just loves me". her job is in mathematical underwriting. I begin to wring my hands because I am shit at math. she assures me that all is well, and gallantly adds that she will find me a job.

I put on orange shorts and do the hokey pokey in my front room.



I mean, I HAVE to find a job someday, right?

in which this is ourselves.

I am feeling the crunch.




the rollercoaster of unemployment has me vacillating through the peaks and valleys of the emotion scale: from depression to mania in sixy seconds! I'm having a hard time thinking between all my worrying. & for once in my life I feel like I am not being lazy I am being proactive, I am trying hard and nothing is happening.


as soon as this gets better I am throwing a party.

in which I do some searching...

went home this weekend. home home as in where my parents currently live. I think they may move soon or at least I hope that they do. ever since my dad stopped working he has been going stir crazy as they say. life on that end feels like it's falling apart. my dad's hands shake when he's holding a bullatin in church. fortunately I am very sick with a crippling cold. oh, I have to sneeze, I can say, and dab my eyes. he doesn't believe me when I say I think he's brilliant. I have always thought of him as an infalliable genius. I hate seeing him cry.

I am calling every single temp agency in the chicagoland area and hoping for the best. I wax nervous/pathetic between phone calls & plan out what to wear to my interviews, when I get them. I suppose you could say I was hopeful. maybe gullible.

Q: why are there so many movies about presidents coming out? leonardo dicarpio will be teddy roosevelt. liam neeson will be abe lincoln. I will be sitting in the audience thinking about how all these movies will be shown in 1,000,000 history classes across america as soon as the dvd is released.



jesus christ with all these barking dogs in this neighborhood I am starting to feel like the son of friggin sam or something. I wake up listening to dogs barking. I go to sleep listening to dogs barking. I lay on the front room floor and yep the dogs are still barking. I am eating breakfast to the dog barking symphony in g. I am taking a shower while the pop standard, endless dogs, barks on the radio. this morning I finished the "complete barking of barky barkbark"; it was really barky bark. I am barking the barking when the bark falls on the barking bark. bark I am bark bark bark.

in which I have a day off.

ferris bueller's day off is today.




enjoy. I'm going to.

In which, J-E-A-L-O-U-S-Y with a capital jay

1. for starters, I wish.

2. I love the Addams Family. I used to check out the Chaz Addams collections from the library; I watched the black & white sitcom with my dad. I even watched the New Addams Family when it was on fox family.

so now it's a musical.... & it will be in chicago.... & all the cheap seats are sold out. so d'you think they need any ushers?

3. having no disposable just-for-fun income is F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-I-N-G with a capital eff.

good news!
1. clean water, bed to sleep in, roof over head, loving family, stable mind, health, thank you God, etc.
2. all these movies! The Road, for starters..... yes yes yes.
3. writing mojo is in full swing; brb going to apply to some contests/lit magazines...

in other words, it's not all bad.

in which I go to the beach!!

Q: guess where I was today?

A: the gold coast!!

Q2: what do midwestern palm trees do in the w-i-n-t-e-r?
A2: I.... don't know....??

oh, so today was labor day-bor. celebrated lakeside. the water was ice cubes on your skin cold but worth it. got hassled by a lifeguard. I hate being told what to do in the water; we were very annoyed. this bald guy layed in the sand in front of us & got a sand beard. (is it layed or is it laid? I never know.) I think he knew we were giggling at him but it was hard to stop & anyway he seemed to know it was all in good fun. we could see the buildings & the ferris wheel from the beach, and a dozen white palm trees marching along the water's edge. there was a fiddle guy playing in the pedway to the beach.

so when we got home, we looked up the price of a street performer's liscene. 100 clams.... yikes. $10 if you wanna play in the subway.... double yikes. I love a subway but the tunnel always smells like piss; dunno if I could take that all the time. anyway I would only do harmonica/spoons/harmonies so I could concentrate on plugging my nose. some food for thought I guess.

right now, I am addicted to television movies, the public library, johnny cash, & screwing around with this website. & I've got the munchies baaaaad.

in which I have to admit it's getting better.

today I got hired.

so I guess that officially sort of makes me a gap girl. I mean, since ole n is owned by the gap & all. anyway I have mixed emotions as I am sure anyone would at this critical juncture in their lives, aka what was supposed to be a leap into adulthood and is instead just a stumble into more RETAIL. but I am really very relieved. thank you god. I have another shitty job a source of income. (no seriously thank you thank you god.)



my cat takes the sickest baths. I don't mean sick=cool, I mean sick=sick. as in gross. as in completely nauseating. I hate "mouth noises", ie people smacking their lips, chewing loudly, sucking their tongue, kissing sloppy, etc. this is 1,000,000,000 times worse.

equation time!
1 cat bath = someone smacking their lips + loud chewing + tongue sucking + sloppy kiss * disgustingly noisy movie make out scene + curiously fishy stench of cat breath / loud accoustics in a small room / 1 naturally gross cat = C R I M I N E Y.

I, like every other pet owner, think my cat is supercute. but he's also superhideous. he snores. he spends an obscene amount of time cleaning out his ears, with great pleasure. he breathes really loudly. he lays down on the floor when he eats, because I guess standing over a food dish eating dried chicken pellets is a hell of a lot of work. he has embarrassing flabby flaps on his stomach; they tend to ripple magestically when he runs (he doesn't run a lot). he seriously chews his toenails. (I am not making this up; it makes me cringe every time I see him doing it.) and he takes the loudest effing baths ever.

too bad I love him so much.

I have a library date & a lunch date & a school date & then I have to drink my first pumpkin spice latte of the year. tis the season.

in which i hunt for jobs.

today I looked for jobs.



anyone who knows me knows that I, like 7.9% of the rest of Illinois, am desperately seeking employment; the operative word here being desperately. every day when I take a shower, I alternate between crying and pep talking myself, then I get out & fix myself up & prep for another desperate day.

so today I had an interview with old navy. "but you hate retail!" the universe cries out in anguish. "how can you conscript yourself to another 1+ years of working for the weekend?" see I would rather be a receptionist. I would be a great receptionist. I answer phones like a pro and I (no kidding) type 80 wpm. but I have been unsuccessful in convincing others that I would be a great receptionist; i.e., I have 1 year & 1 year alone of receptionist work under my proverbial belt.

but really old navy wouldn't be bad. it's on state street so it's really close to school; it would take like 10 min. to get there from my flat, I don't really have a choice, etc. etc. I don't necessarily look old navy... but I'm sure I can conform. the one downside was when I went to the basement office, there was a sign on the door that said the store would be open thanksgiving day. crimmeny. I fucking don't want to work thanksgiving day. but I'm not even hired yet, so... I guess I'm getting ahead of myself.

anyway I still looked for jobs for the rest of the day. I still want to be a receptionist. I will still have to get a second part time job to pay for the expensive monstrosity that is my life. but, c'est la vie.




grad school grad school grad school. I had a lit crit theory class yesterday that is going to kick my ass. tonight.... magazine production.

I think I can I think I can I think I can........

in which, proceed....

so I went to grad school last night. oh it was fine, really...

...except for the part where they changed the classrooms around so the number on my schedule was different from my actual class & I went to finite math class & sat down & then left again to wander the halls for 20 min. aimlessly getting pissed off until I overheard 2 girls talking about how annoying it was that they had changed the class numbers & then I went downstairs again & found my real class number & strolled in nice and late.

I mean... I guess it's good to start off on the right foot.... right? I mean.... I love higher education!!

no really it was cool.




last night someone was in the alley banging on trash cans & shouting STELLLLLAAAA.