in which I get some no good horrible very bad news.

o where to begin.

KEY:


good things -- being done with school. my fantastic friends. senior week. hanging out with melissa & anna like all day tomorrow. day party. melissa's birthday. my party on sunday. again, my fantastic friends.


bad things -- being done with school. the goddamn email. miz v. last minute reminders. I TOLD YOU SO's.


where this things meet -- saint goddamn mary's.


KEY (to the key):


this morning I get an email from the office of student affairs saying that they need me to make an appointment with miz v, immediately, concerning my graduation. (a note about me: I always assume the worst because then the hurt is not quite as strong. & a further note: whenever I get an official email from saint mary's, I lose it. I expect each one to be informing me that I owe them another thousand dollars, or I'm kicked out, or something terrible.) I immediately start to freak of course. I start breathing really hard and my body starts rejecting my organs. but I manage to make an appointment with miz v.

this afternoon I go to said appointment. miz v makes me wait 10 minutes while she snacks on some activia, & I sit twisting a ring around my little finger with my stomach halfway up my esophagus, trying my hardest not to puke on the tacky faux persian rug. eventually she calls me in & says, "we have a problem." so I start babbling like a fucking moron: yeah I know there was some problems with my credits but you'll see I added 3 for this semester & you signed off so if that's all that it is there should be no problem I took care of it. & she goes, your credits? she starts adding them up, & says, "no, no problem with your number of credits. but you are missing a gen ed."

I'm struck fucking dumb shit speechless. like I never expected this in a bajillion lifetimes. I just stare at her, & then I'm pretty sure I squeaked out an ohhhh shit before I really start hyperventilating and snotting and crying all over the cushy chair. my eyeballs are throbbing & I can see my heart hammering against my sweatshirt, & I'm just like trying to remember when they're doing belltower tours so I can plan my immediate suicide.

so it's like this: 1) someone sent me an email August 17th (right in the thick of summer theater season) saying I needed 2 science credits & 1 social science credit to graduate. I don't remember that email. miz v makes some brief & torrid lament about students not having the sense to check their email; I counter with oh really you think I wouldn't have responded to an email in boldface caps saying YOU NEED THIS TO GRADUATE? 2) no one followed up with that email when I didn't email back. 3) in january when that same someone told me I needed 3 credits to graduate, she didn't look in the file (where the necessary info about my credits happens to be) & see that I still hadn't added that social science, even though I'd taken care of the physics. or she assumed this is a student that wants to stay at saint mary's so bad, she's decided to just not take 3 credits of social science & do summer school, awesome. 4) my advisers, much as I love them, never advised me about my gen eds, just my major requirements. & I mean never as in maybe once, like freshman year, but never ever after that.

from this I can conclude: someone tried to tell me about the problem, but never followed through. this is my fault, but this is not my fault alone. I'm the first to admit that I'm irresponsible. I've done really stupid ass things in my life but really. school. why would I just not do 1 goddamn gen ed? why would I ignore it?

ramifications: summer school that I can't afford. delaying real life. telling any forthcoming interview hopeful phone calls "oh never mind I have summer school". all right, so not the end of the world, not really. but scary & frustrating & irritating & scary & just fucking obnoxious? yeah, yeah, yeah. getting that news was probably the 3rd worst thing I've heard in my life.

anyway miz v still has to deliberate & decide. I have another meeting with her tomorrow in her lair, to decide my fate. maybe she'll let me off the hook. maybe I'll be enrolled at the i u b s for summer fun, & waste another couple thou I don't have. sweeeet.


after I cried for 2 hours & called my parents & talked to anyone who would sit through my intermittent crying jags (carol, anna, stray cats, a piggy bank), I revised my venn diagram:

KEY:

good things -- mint dilly bars. renting a whole season of "friends" (what a predictably collegiate guilty pleasure). my actual friends. my parents (who did not even get mad & were surprisingly cool with the news). sunlight. playing with my new jewelry. getting up for breakfast & sewing tomorrow. an uplifting little message from L. 4 glasses of sangria (most of all).

bad things: possible summer school. worrying. the inconsistencies of saint mary's. money.

conclusion: the good clearly outweighs the bad. I am satisfied.

(if you made it through this shitstorm of BAD BAD BAD JUJU, kudos. if you are unclear, I promise I explain it much better in person, with illustrative hand gestures. trust/ask me.)