I didn't get another job.
when I get depressed about shit, I tend to just sleep & sleep & sleep. that's all I've felt like doing lately. I called my mom against last night and got all worked up for a half hour on the phone, nursed a glass of that shitty wine, and then I just turned off the lights and went to bed.
I just wish I could figure out what I was doing. I've been groomed for sixteen fucking years to go out into the world, prepared and literate and knowledgable about useless shit. like physics. like algebra. like philosophy, and women's issues, and a thousand other useless things. I've been sitting in a classroom for the past sixteen fucking years of my life getting educated, and now that I'm finally ready to do something, they only want 3-5 years of experience. they just want you to have been with a major publishing company for the last 10 years. they just want you to be older, smarter, fitter, wiser, and I've been skipping class and sewing costumes. you watch television and everyone gets a fucking dream job right out of college, and everyone lives in five hundred square foot apartments in new york fucking city, and everyone wears gucci and burbury and styles their hair perfectly and weighs about ninety pounds. it's this unrealistic idealistic bullshit. my mom's been telling me my whole life "you can be whatever you want to be". but she always forgot to add: you can be whatever you want to be IF you have beautiful cheekbones and clear skin. you can be whatever you want to be IF you can make it with the Man. you can be whatever you want to be IF you can fake 3-5 years of experience.
I guess I don't handle rejection well is what I'm getting at. it just seems like everyone around me is figuring out their life, and I'm going to get stuck in fucking indiana still looking.
should've gone to grad school. put off the inevitable for another 2+ years. well, whatever.
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3 comments:
A. I will be in elkhart starting tomorrow, and we should hang out, perhaps on friday, perhaps winging drunkenly through the streets if you feel like it.
B. I just got a position with a chinese company teaching english, and they even agreed to pay for my airfare over there. Would that be something you might be into? It would look great on a resume.
C. Charles wants to meet you, Bum Bum Buuuuuum!
I had no plan when I got out of college. I did Summer Shakes and moved back to Michigan for a few weeks, and then up and moved to Chicago. Jobless and terrified.
But things worked out. I ended up in a job that I was good at that has paid me well. I figured out what I wanted to do with my life and how to get there. I didn't have things planned out when I left college. It took me a year and a half to sort through the cobwebs in my brain and get it together.
My point is, you'll be fine.
Oh, also, the vast majority of people I know who went to grad school right out of undergrad aren't happy. Several dropped out. So don't measure your life against those people. A few of them do it for the right reasons, but most are just hiding in academia because the only thing they know how to do is be a student.
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