all last week I was in Texas. TX TX TX. sunny and 70 one day, cold and 35 the next. it was also just fucking unrealistic. guys tipping their cowboy hats: evenin' ma'am. people kept holding doors for me. there was a boy in a cowboy hat and boots riding around on a bike with a kitten in a milkcrate. no one tries to rev up in front of you and cut you off when you're trying to get on the highway. everyone drives a truck and has a dog. I ate steaks and went to the fanciest hotel buffet I ever saw. & when I came back to the northcountry it was fucking snowing again.

C brought her drumset to the house. we carried it upstairs. I had a blanket wrapped around me and a cowboy hat on my head. like a douchebag, or just a stupid hippie. she played all night and it was cool, and then I got a headache. like forehead axe splitting headache. couldn't get to sleep, just sat in bed. read outdated magazines from 2006 and drank outdated milk from a week ago, while it snowed little icy lace flakes outside. it was this poetic moment. and then my lightbulb just burned the fuck out.


while stitching today, I thought about what I would do if I got a phone call that my dad suddenly died. I couldn't even figure it out. if I were science minded I would want to learn what it is about people that makes them think dull stupid morbid thoughts like that.

when I sit in the computer lab and I hear footsteps coming up behind me, I worry that they're reading over my shoulder. another question for science: where does that mindless paranoia come from.