in which I am sitting in that toddlin town

oh, so I moved to chicago. okay.


sooo that's been pretty cool thus far. I have this amazing three bedroom flat in a really sweet ginormous southside neighborhood. basically I just ride around on public transportation, furiously applying for jobs & waiting for grad school to start. sometimes I pay some bills or cry about money. sometimes I take a bath. sometimes I bake apple cake. sometimes I do some oh um writing.

I've been getting this obnoxious writer's block. at first I thought it was spine numbing work. then I thought it was lack of stimulation. then I realized... I'm just friggin lazy. no but seriously, I've been doing better. just the thought of grad school is getting me pumped. I mean I never thought I'd be excited for school, but here I am.... excited for school...... (lamelamelame.)

oh yeah, grad school? yeah, it's pretty great...ish. I stood in line for 1/2 hr. at orientation waiting to get my photo id taken... then the digital camera broke, so I got a little card and handwrote my id number on that; sehr classy. then I went to a welcome to school thing, heard six people say the same thing, met a few new people, drank a cup of lukewarm lemonade, and got right back on the next subway home.

but seriously, I'm excited for classes to start.



it's getting colder & colder. new neighbors moved in upstairs and oh wait by neighbors I mean some 600+ pound people that wear tap shoes & drop marbles on the floor at inconvenient hours of the night.


I think.... life is pretty good.

in which take a ch ch ch chance

oh. so hey.


I just turned twentyeffinthree
ate one piece of confetti cake
and played L I F E.



real L I F E is not quite as hard as the game
at least in real life I pick how many babies I have
and whether or not to pay my taxes.
(I always pay my taxes.)

F O R E V E R.

a million + things have happened to me in the past, oh, MONTHS.


suffice to say: I am making some money. I am not unhappy. I have warm weather & I love my cat & I work with plants part time. sometimes I sew red or blue coats for a best friend. sometimes I just lay by my laptop & write things.




more on this later. I have an apple pie to bake. !!

in which I'll be right back.

tonight I'm going to ohio with my mom. my aunt is having a masectomy tommorrow. I don't know my aunt very well & we're not very close but something felt right about going. I feel like I'm in a secret club. I helped pick out a book & card for her at target. my knees got shaky looking at the get well cards. I'm not very astute these days.


it rained a lot today. I jumped in a puddle at notre dame, just because I could, and got my ankles wet.

in which don't leave me dry.

I was at the beach all day yesterday. I got a sunburn on the curve of my left hip, a gentle prickling pink that stings more than it aches. I haven't celebrated (read: gone far away from everyone) labor day in 4 years, because school was always in session on labor day. which was a very flawed choice, but I do digress. after nearly a month of doing laundry & putting sweaty sleeves on sweaty actors, it was nice to do nothing. I laid on an 11-foot raft with OK! & ELLE & my sunglasses. sometimes I swam. sometimes I ate. usually I just laid there.


I'm getting sick. I can tell by 3 surefire indications:
1. because my nose feels strange. I read that you're supposed to snort a pinch of salt & a handful of water to clear your nose, & then snort it back out again. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. mostly because of my immaturity when I read the name of the practice. "nasal douching" is still funny.
2. because I'm very tired. that... actually might not be an indication of impending illness. I am doomed to eternal lethargy. it's in my genes. if I were a deadly sin I suppose I would be sloth.
3. because I've been craving juice. apple juice, grape juice, & cranberry juice, to be specific, but at this point I would stick my teeth into a raw apple & suck on it in hopes of becoming a fruit vampire or something. I only crave juice when I'm sick & this is a definite craving. I didn't even drink my usual 12 pints of coffee this morning (oh horror, horror).

anyway, I suppose jobless is a good state to be in when one is sick. I am still applying for jobs; I am not losing hope. I'm writing & helping at notre dame & picking up my sisters from school & being delightfully domestic. I made chili & cookies & bread last week alone. I'm enjoying my free weekends & my free time. this is a fine old state to be in. (I know it seems like I'm reinforcing this for myself, since I keep repeating it, but I'm actually truly happy. maybe a little bit lonely but generally happy. strange but true.) sometimes I miss college. mostly I think about what's still to come.

in which I make a lame return.

woooow have I been slacking.








many things have happened to me. I sequestered myself on an island for a week, became 22, got a tan, washed loads & loads of sweaty clothes for 2 different shows, ended up sewing, got an extension on my loans, lost friends, gained friends, ended something that needed to be ended, went to concerts, loved my new cat, watched all the trilogy/sequal movies I could think of, started eating spinach by the bucket, became a domestic goddess (?), picked blueberries, made progress on writing, started writing something new (!! and good!), visited a snow leopard, and never found a job. well, whatever, that will come in time.






this week I'm sending stuff into magazines & crossing my fingers for possible potential publication.


it's been strange to be home again, but I am all right with it, really, because I am prepping myself for other things. I am ready to be out of here, but I'm happy to be with my family again. there's a lot still to do before I move out completely, & I'm okay with that. I get up, take my sisters to school, come home & pet my cat (he's the one with the really green eyes), go to Notre Dame to do laundry, come home & make cookies, go back to Notre Dame to do laundry, & write whenever I can. so really, I'm very happy.

in which I think about what I like.

I have been dealing with lots of negativity lately (ie no job, bad shit, bad karma, raining on sundays, etc.) so I started composing a list of things I like while I was in the car yesterday.

- driving at night on a newly paved road, smooth like satin
- watching stingrays swim, the way their flippers move like water
- fresh brewed coffee
- spider crabs
- chinese food at a tiny hot chinese restraunt, with everybody speaking fast chinese
- good phone calls
- hot days in the summer when you can see the heat on the pavement
- rainstorms

I haven't finished it, clearly. I will elaborate in the future.

I got a phone call inviting me to be an assistant for a really good friend of mine at a certain summer shakes. that means I guess I'm back at notre dame. but melissa is part of my unbeatable team, so I am not worried. I will be stitchin and bitchin and doing alterations and wardrobe crew for dummies and all sorts of good things, plus sewing a goddamn banner: the bane of my existance. but I get time to go to lovely ocracoke & all good things like that. & it's a small part time job with a little bit of money. I am pretty damn stoked about that.